Imagining Jeff Samardzija in the Booth for the Cubs/A’s Game

As a pretty popular guy, I can imagine Jeff Samardzija could score a spot in someone’s broadcast booth when his career on the field is done. And given that he’s a veteran of both teams squaring off at Sloan Park Tuesday, I wondered how he might have called the Cubs/A’s game. Note that not all of the quotes that follow can be directly attributed to Shark, but most can.

I’ll take pride in what [the Cubs] do because I’m a Chicago guy. I remember coming up, it was always the talk about prospects. You can always sell the future, bro, and people always buy it. But as a veteran guy, it was becoming a joke. It was a risky plan, right, counting on the draft and Cuban guys and things like that.

Duuuuude. Anyway, where was I, bro? Oh yeah, I just got so sick of hearing about it. They had to do what they had to do, but as a professional, you always want to be competing, not hearing some rhetoric every year.

Wow, who’s this Russell kid? He’s pretty good, bro. They spent money to get guys. They hit on the guy Bryant who’s a difference maker. (Anthony) Rizzo came on.

Grandpa Rossy hitting a home run, now I’ve seen it all. There are certain things you don’t forget.

Now they’re rolling, bro. Still, I’m a better receiver and I’ve got a more jacked-up last name than this Matt Szczur guy.

Kawasaki makes me think of dirtbikes, dude. I guess Cuba isn’t the only island nation they’re getting players from. It’s a great way to rebuild, dude, and I understand that. If I had a fortune teller. I probably would have stayed.